Saturday, 26 September 2015
Thursday, 24 September 2015
Depression and Anxiety
Hi everyone,
This is I strange blog post, one I never thought I would have the confidence to write. I feel, however that for you to know me better this is something you need to know.
Around this time last year (2014) I started to suffer from some pretty serious panic attacks and at first I really didn't know what they were. It was honestly some of the most scary moments of my life. I have always been an anxious person and people around me knew that but I never thought it would become such a massive part of who I am.
It all started when I began to do too much, more than I was capable of. I was studying my second year of A-Levels, learning to drive (which I never completed), just started work in the real world, babysitting regularly and volunteering as a leader at a Brownie girl guides pack. It might not sound like a lot but it left me with hardly anytime to unwind and take time for myself or spend time with my family, this lead me to feel really stressed.
It became so bad that I couldn't go to school because I felt so anxious I thought I was going to be sick. The thought of school petrified me because it meant more hard work that I just didn't have the energy for.
As I became more and more stressed I became the more angry I got with myself for not being able to control the life I thought I loved. This slowly lead me to shut myself away in anytime that I had to myself. This then progressed to depression. I became so ill that I was making myself sick but not on purpose. I even had to spend Christmas day at home on my own instead of going to see my family. This really was a kick up the bum to get some help.
I never spoke about this to anyone, I didn't want medication, I didn't want to go to the doctor by instead I spoke to my old doctor who I now know through work, I trust her and I knew she would be honest with me without being in the uncomfortable GP surgery which puts me on edge anyway. She told me what I thought I knew, I was suffering with anxiety and depression :(
This made me so determined to be get better, I gave up driving I did less babysitting, this gave me time for myself and much needed time with my family, which I treasure now after all that time I wasted.
The road to recovery was long and difficult but I didn't give up, I began to feel less stressed and not so sick all the time, I began to sleep better and I slowly began to feel like myself again. I remember the first time I smiles and laughed and I said to myself 'I don't remember the last time I laughed like that' and it was true I didn't. I have to thank my friends for that! Thanks Sophie xx
I finally felt like the worst of this horrible nightmare was almost over and I can happily say it was. By the time it got to April 2015 I was having far more good days than bad. I met a friend from Instagram for the first time Arabella and I also met my idol Willemijn Verkaik on the same day. Arabella's friendship and Willemijn's music was something I relied on heavily through this tough time. It was honestly the best day ever! This was so special and to have my mum there was also awesome. Also another special mention to Savannah Stevenson (Glinda in Wicked, West End) who was always there to reply to tweets and just uplift me whenever I needed, it was a pleasure to meet her too.
This was the happiest I had been in the longest time, and when thinking about it now as I write this I could cry, I cried so much that day of so much happiness and relief it felt like a weight was off of my shoulders. It felt so much more special because I was finally feeling like me and this was one of the first in a long time.
Of course there are still good days and bad days but I can say confidently that there are now very few bad days. One year later and this horrible time if over and I have the best bunch of people around me know and I am so lucky and greatful! without these awesome people, friends, family and people that don't even know me have made life all that much better again.
So this post is just to show that it is possible for good to come from bad and that there is no point in giving up.
If anyone reading this needs anyone to talk to or any advice please let me know because talking really is the best therapy for anxiety and depression I only wish I learnt that sooner.
To show you that this year has been full of good days I will post below some pictures of the memories that I want to treasure from this last year.
Thanks for reading
This is I strange blog post, one I never thought I would have the confidence to write. I feel, however that for you to know me better this is something you need to know.
Around this time last year (2014) I started to suffer from some pretty serious panic attacks and at first I really didn't know what they were. It was honestly some of the most scary moments of my life. I have always been an anxious person and people around me knew that but I never thought it would become such a massive part of who I am.
It all started when I began to do too much, more than I was capable of. I was studying my second year of A-Levels, learning to drive (which I never completed), just started work in the real world, babysitting regularly and volunteering as a leader at a Brownie girl guides pack. It might not sound like a lot but it left me with hardly anytime to unwind and take time for myself or spend time with my family, this lead me to feel really stressed.
It became so bad that I couldn't go to school because I felt so anxious I thought I was going to be sick. The thought of school petrified me because it meant more hard work that I just didn't have the energy for.
As I became more and more stressed I became the more angry I got with myself for not being able to control the life I thought I loved. This slowly lead me to shut myself away in anytime that I had to myself. This then progressed to depression. I became so ill that I was making myself sick but not on purpose. I even had to spend Christmas day at home on my own instead of going to see my family. This really was a kick up the bum to get some help.
I never spoke about this to anyone, I didn't want medication, I didn't want to go to the doctor by instead I spoke to my old doctor who I now know through work, I trust her and I knew she would be honest with me without being in the uncomfortable GP surgery which puts me on edge anyway. She told me what I thought I knew, I was suffering with anxiety and depression :(
This made me so determined to be get better, I gave up driving I did less babysitting, this gave me time for myself and much needed time with my family, which I treasure now after all that time I wasted.
The road to recovery was long and difficult but I didn't give up, I began to feel less stressed and not so sick all the time, I began to sleep better and I slowly began to feel like myself again. I remember the first time I smiles and laughed and I said to myself 'I don't remember the last time I laughed like that' and it was true I didn't. I have to thank my friends for that! Thanks Sophie xx
I finally felt like the worst of this horrible nightmare was almost over and I can happily say it was. By the time it got to April 2015 I was having far more good days than bad. I met a friend from Instagram for the first time Arabella and I also met my idol Willemijn Verkaik on the same day. Arabella's friendship and Willemijn's music was something I relied on heavily through this tough time. It was honestly the best day ever! This was so special and to have my mum there was also awesome. Also another special mention to Savannah Stevenson (Glinda in Wicked, West End) who was always there to reply to tweets and just uplift me whenever I needed, it was a pleasure to meet her too.
 |
| Arabella, Willemijn, Me |
This was the happiest I had been in the longest time, and when thinking about it now as I write this I could cry, I cried so much that day of so much happiness and relief it felt like a weight was off of my shoulders. It felt so much more special because I was finally feeling like me and this was one of the first in a long time.
Of course there are still good days and bad days but I can say confidently that there are now very few bad days. One year later and this horrible time if over and I have the best bunch of people around me know and I am so lucky and greatful! without these awesome people, friends, family and people that don't even know me have made life all that much better again.
So this post is just to show that it is possible for good to come from bad and that there is no point in giving up.
If anyone reading this needs anyone to talk to or any advice please let me know because talking really is the best therapy for anxiety and depression I only wish I learnt that sooner.
To show you that this year has been full of good days I will post below some pictures of the memories that I want to treasure from this last year.
Thanks for reading
Love, Luck and Ambition
xxCaryxx
Twitter: https://twitter.com/caryj97
Instagram: https://instagram.com/caryj97/
Here are some pictures :)
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| Me and Savannah Stevenson |
Wednesday, 23 September 2015
Morning Rotuine
Hi everyone,
So every morning I follow pretty much the same routine with beauty and in this blog post I will be showing you the products I use and why I love them, hopefully you can then recreate this look at home. Tweet me picture if you do!
So first I wash my hair I use Head and Shoulders shampoo because other shampoos dry out my scalp, this is the best shampoo for this.
2) Eye shadow: Sleek I-Divine Oh So Special palette. I LOVE THIS! it is the best eye shadow palette I have ever purchased! I use the pale colours with a darker tone to define my eye along the lower lash.
So every morning I follow pretty much the same routine with beauty and in this blog post I will be showing you the products I use and why I love them, hopefully you can then recreate this look at home. Tweet me picture if you do!
So first I wash my hair I use Head and Shoulders shampoo because other shampoos dry out my scalp, this is the best shampoo for this.
Instead of using conditioner I use L'OREAL Paris Elvive Full Restore. This really helps keep my hair soft and strong and repairs the heat damage from using the hairdryer etc. this product helps my hair to shine without looking greasy, this gives a natural feel and appearance and I highly recommend it!
Now moving on to make up. While I allow my hair to dry I will apply my make up.
1) Foundation: Rimmel Lasting Finish liquid foundation. I love the photo finish it provides, it enhances my skin and gives it the healthy glow I love. Also it lasts all day which is perfect for bust days.
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| the finished look!
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3) Eye Liner: Soap and Glory SuperCat liquid liner. I stand by this eyeliner for every occasion. It's easy to apply due to its felt tip like pen. It is incredible!
4) Mascara: Bourjois Volume Clubbing Ultra Black. Now I am the sort of the person who changes their mascara regularly to try and find the perfect one. This one is definitely the best one I have purchased in a long time. This is because it doesn't make my top or bottom lashes clump together, it makes my short bottom lashed extended and I love it. I recommend this to anyone with short lashes.
5) Bronzer/Highlighter: Bourjois Bronzing powder and highlighter. Not only do I love this product because it looks like a chocolate bar but because it does create the natural glow that so many people are looking for! I love it!
6) Powder: Natural Collection. This is just a simple powder that helps take the greasy look away. Its cheap too £1.99 so its perfect not to bust the bank!
7) Lipstick: Rimmel Kate 107. I love this dark tone that really emphasises and gives a definition of the face. This product can make your whole face look completely different, in a good way!
This completes my look... here is a before and after so you can see the full look!
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| Before |
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| After |
Thanks so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed it and found some new products.
I recently started my own YouTube Channel and uploaded my first video yesterday, I would really appreciate if you could head over to the link below and watch, like and subscribe to my channel. Also tweet me questions (which will be linked below) for my next video, I would be so grateful!
Thanks for reading
Love, luck and ambition
xoCaryox
YouTube: https://youtu.be/8sCHUqNcsxA
Twitter: https://twitter.com/caryj97
Instagram: https://instagram.com/caryj97/
Tuesday, 22 September 2015
Monday, 21 September 2015
How long?
Hi everyone,
Sorry for being away so long it's been a bit of a ride.
Recently I have passed my Alevel exams and headed in to the real world.
I decided to go into the world of work rather than head to university because I hate following the crowd and when I can do the uni course I want whilst at work for free I'm definitely going to do that. So here I am earning my own money and paying my way and it feels great it really does.
Heading into this whole different world is so strange having a different routine alone is awesome. I've made new friends and developed stronger relationships with old and new friends.
Now I'm back on track and completely comfortable in my life I hope that this blog will be updated much more and I really hope you and enjoy reading it....
Thanks for being patient
Love, luck and ambition
xoCaryox
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